Love and Lust

Musings on love, lust, dating and women by the Love Pirate and Mox Nine.

Saturday, January 28, 2006

Being a chump

Even though I believe I know the rules of dating, sometimes I completely break them and act like a total chump. Thus it has been for the past week.

A few weeks ago I started chatting to a sexy Asian lass we'll call Vera. Busty, tall, smiley, smart, she's all I'd want in a serious girlfriend. And that's the start of my problems. You see, when I meet a girl I really fancy I tend to fall apart game-wise, and I don't know what I'm doing. The end result is me acting like a puppy-dog and a girl who couldn't care either way.

I've been on dates with Vera three times now, four if you count a 10pm jogging meetup on the coastal road (long story!), yet each time we've done nothing more than hug and cuddle (barely). She stayed over last night (although on the pull out bed) and while we cuddled on my bed in the morning and snoozed I asked her why we hadn't done more. She confessed she "wasn't sure" yet, and so I agreed to be patient.

Tonight I spent time with her again at her place, drinking wine and eating and watching bad 80s music on TV. It was fun, but again, absolutely no progress while she also entertained numerous text messages, of which a good number were from fellow chumps like me. Of course, she was delightful company as well, but without her full attention and her full interest, why was I there?

I left at 2am, finally coming to my senses and cutting the date short instead of drifting on like a dork until she booted me out, and on the long, refreshing walk home I had a good think.

What did I decide? Well, I decided that she just loves being chased and that I was falling very quickly into the role of a guy-friend who she can call on to make her feel good about herself. This is an absolute no-no! While I'm happy to have women friends, and I have a good number, never ever does a friendship last that is based on a girl using a guy, who fancies her, to boost her ego.

I actually feel pretty mad at myself. I've made the classic mistakes. I've been far to ready to entertain her, far too available, always suggesting we meet and always being the last to close off the date. The end result is I'm the puppy dog and she's the master and I'm caught doing whatever tricks she wants, all in the hope of some attention.

Today, this will change. A few days of not-much-attention should make her ask what's going on. If it doesn't, then there never was anything in her heart or mind for me. I'll also make it clear that I'm a busy guy with many friends, commitments and responsibilities and she is on my list there somewhere, but not at the top so long as she plays me. If she behaves well, I will reward her with attention. If not, I will punish her with less attention. Above all else I will regain for myself some self-respect and refuse to be treated like a fool (whether she does so consciously, or unconsciously).

I expect this will pretty much cool off any slight interest she had to the point where we don't talk much any more. But that's fine with me now. There is no point in a friend who just wants to use you as a toy to play with. Guys, avoid that like the plague, it's a sure-fire way to destroy your self-respect and confidence!

Thursday, January 26, 2006

Welcome to my home country

Since the friend I was going to go out with bailed on me last Saturday,
and I felt like going out, I went out regardless.

I'd tell you guys where I went, but I think that the rules of the blog
are no-no in terms of pointing out the city we're in, or places we
visit.

Basically I rolled into an after-party I knew of, realised that I'm on
my own and noticed that the majority of people may or may not be cooler
than me. This is not a good thing. I roll into regular clubs knowing I'm
probably cooler than almost everybody there. Second guessing my coolness is a no-no. This after-party made me uncomfortable - and uncomfortable
is not a good feeling to have when you're going to meet new, hot babes.
So I rolled further down town, thinking "oh shit oh shit I'm on my own"
- pickups on my own is a new experience, btw. I enter a club which I
visit maybe once a fortnight bought a drink (tonic water, actually - I
tend to take my [supersport] Motorcycle into town so that I can get an
easy ride home) and saw a couple of HB8+'s nex to me at the bar. Fretted
for a second about how I was going to open them, then missed the
opportunity. Damn. They sat down at a long table a few meters away next
to some guy. Meanwhile I'd been ordering a drink, and not wanting to
feel like a loser on his own I went and opened the guy (I'm good at this
- if only I were gay) with "hey, what's up man. I'm Cassian" we end up
talking for a bit about whatever (2min max), then move onto the
commmonality that guys can talk to all other guys about WOMEN. He
mentiones the hot chicks sitting by them (who I didn't open!) and I"m
like "Hey, wanna meet them?" he kinda coughs and almost spills his drink
and replies "yeah! Do you know them?" I reply "Nah." Stand up, wander
the meter over, and say "hey, what's up guys, I'm Cassian" (this doesn't
normally work unless they're tourists or not hot) Thank god they turned
out to be Sweedish tourists. They give a bit of resistance, but I start
talking about the exclusive after party I'm going to roll up to later,
blah blah. Then make introductions to the new guy friend. Merged. A
couple of his friend s turn up, then we head on out. But one of the
chicks hasn't finished her drink! Oh noes! So what does she do? Tilts
her head back and downs it real fast (my kinda girl. This chick was
properly hot, btw. Nothing hotter than seeing a hot girl down her drink
super fast ;) )

We roll down to the after party, but they couldn't get in 'coz they
don't have any NZ ID (the bouncers were obviously losers - the cock farm
inside could have done with a couple of HB's)

Then we head to a back down town to a super classy bar, where the guy I
met is doing a great job of looking after my targets friend, I escalate
my HB8 with push-pull, stories, and games (including "slaps", and thumb wrestling -
she loves it!), along with a bunch of others. After I beat her at slaps
she kinda gives up with a big sigh and smile, leans forward, our
foreheads touch for a second, then we start making out - then harder,
then harder. She's fricken fiesty. ;0 (foreheads touching is a critical
step to an indirect makeout - and if you mis-read her; hey, it's only
your forehad touching hers. Not like you tried to kiss her. Pfft. )

Anyways we bounce about to various different clubs for the next couple
of hours, it turns out she's staying in a backpackers hostel (I knew
this already) in a room with six other people (I only found this an hour
after making out with her!) my place isn't really an option. So, damn,
no lay. But pretty awesome experience for first time solo.

It doesn't normally go this flawlessly.

Signing out. Peace.

Sunday, January 22, 2006

Player 2

Hey, I'm Cassian, and have been focusing on the game for about 8 months now. The game I play is offline. For some reason, I've never had any success online, and have become dissatisfied, and uninterested with that particular experience. My game is played weeknights and weekends; in clubs, and bars about town - as many nights of the week as possible.

My preference for women does varies widely depending on my mood, but strongly sways toward euro girls. Tall, happy, fit, excitable euro girls - German especially.

I'm not in this game for a long term relationship, I've had a few, and they always feel like more hassle than they're worth. This could be something to do with the fact that I don't have the right behavior patterns required to maintain a sexual relationship with the opposite gender for an extended period of time. But I don't care.

My contribution to this blog will be one where I detail my progress in the approach right up to to immediately before lay. I'll detail interesting things which I'm learning from week to week, things I've experimented with, my successes and failures.

Yes, I like Asian women

As you may have noticed I have a bit of a thing for Asian women. Most of my approaches are towards Asian women and I do quite well with them. Why do I have the yellow fever? Well, it's not because Asian women can be are subservient and obedient. I really don't go for that type and they are the first to get the flick in my selection process. In fact, I am not really sure why, I just find the Asian look sexy.

Also, I find Asian women to be fantastic lovers.

It almost seems that Asian women are built differently to other women. For Asian women the breasts are always highly erotic places to kiss. Kissing the neck always gets them horny as hell, and sex always seems wetter, wilder and hotter than with other women.

I don't know why.

But I do know my experiences keep getting repeated and I can't help that I like this and I like the look of the Asian women I meet! So, onwards I go, forging ahead into the heart of Asian beauty.

That being said, I do prefer an Asian woman who is locally born. They are still cute, hot and saucy but are far more sane than the imports, many of whom come with crazy hang-ups and language issues. Being able to converse, debate and argue is quite important to me, so language is often the biggest barrier to a real meaningful time with an Asian partner.

On the whole, my ideal woman is Asian, possibly local, has spirit, intelligence and a sense of humor and knows what she wants from life. Now, where is this lady? I'll keep reporting in as the hunt for her continues...

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Online and offline

As you may have noticed I tend to meet women online more than offline. Why? Well, it works for me and it keeps me pretty busy! But that doesn't mean I don't meet women offline too, I just haven't written about them yet.

But I also find something comforting about the online world. It's easier to sift for a woman who is most likely to be interesting to me, and also I'm sure she's got a few brain cells (internet takes a bit of know-how) and has at least one similar interest. It's a good start to anything I figure!

It also gives me time to get some good flirting in. To be honest, my biggest issue with offline is going from meeting and friendly, to flirty and kissing. A bit of online flirting makes it much easier for me to get over this hurdle. It's something for me to work on when I'm not busy online!

Monday, January 09, 2006

Dating swimsuit models

Around mid-last year I messaged and got a reply from an Asian swimsuit model. Yes, I was quite surprised as she was considerably hotter than I would normally go for. Later on I was even more surprised to find out she was real (a brief phone chat). We chatted for a while and it soon became apparent that she loved the attention of men. And for a while, I loved to give her attention.

But one day I was struck by the realization that, as far as I could tell, my only purpose was to feed her ego. This is a terrible trap for a guy to fall in to as some women (and men to, I guess) can often be more than happy to keep someone around whose sole purpose is to make them feel good about themselves. I resolved to no longer play this role, and it all came to a head one night.

Eventually I got around to asking her on a date, she was keen and we set a time and event (I was interested in seeing some local festival theatre). Three days before the big night she ended up telling me about these other guys who were also interested in her, and which she she go for a date with the next week.

That was the final straw, I said I wasn't interested in dating her as she obviously just liked to keep guys around to take her out and give her a good time. She was pretty annoyed by this, but I have enough self respect not to be treated as a pet!

In the end we talked on and off online for some months and we became more friends than anything. This was fine with me as I'd moved cities anyway. I was also careful to continue to not play the role of pet. I told her when she was being bad, lamented her bad choices in men and told her to buck up her act and, it has to be said, often treated her as a wayward child. Somehow we'd even talked about whether I'd date her, and I'd said never, she was the 'wrong girl' and completely undatable.

Fast forward to just before Christmas and she's bouncing up and down on my dick in the back of my car, screaming in pleasure.

How did this happen? Well, I ended up back in her city for a few days and we agreed to meet up. The whole date she was quite flirty and we got on fantastically well. And in real life she was just as hot as her pictures suggested so I was working the scene hard. In the end one thing led to another in a dark park near town. Why?

It all goes back to that dating snub I gave her months ago. I firmly believe that she was incensed a guy wasn't falling all over her and so she felt compelled to conquer me. To 'beat' me. You see, women who are that cute have many, many, many men constantly telling them how amazing and beautiful they are. I had annoyed her by not playing that game. It took me a few days to realize it, but the night of passion was, subconsciously, her own attempt to win back control of our friendship.

When I realized this I also remembered that she had said to me a day after the park, "So am I the wrong girl now?". It's clear now that in our chats I had made her unsure about her own beauty and attractiveness and so she remedied the situation by seducing me.

Truth be told she is a complicated and tricky woman. Outwardly beautiful, she has a bit of a mean streak in her personality and perhaps I had responded to that in our chats. I conclude this as I wouldn't normally act to undermine a woman. Sadly, with me 'beat', I'm sure she's absolutely not interested in anything else with me, long or short term.

I console myself with the idea that in this case, losing was definitely better than winning!

Online no-no's!

I got a 'smile' on an online account and after an email back ended up on MSN with a nice local lady. One thing led to another (no, not like that!) and soon we're discussing the 'online crazies' she had met. I asked her to go over what was crazy about them, and her list proved educational, and highly amusing!

I include her comments, line for line.

- i had one guy i chatted to on msn (briefly) ask me if I could love him (after about 2 mins of chatting to him)!

- penis shots....sigh you all have one get over it already!

- one guy who liked horses just a little tooooo much...

- I meet a good looking turkish guy off and he was nice enough to tell me that if I lost weight he would date me!

- had a first date with a guy who turned out to be a little bit...how can i put this...simple perhaps?
Her comical advice actually contains important lessons for the daters like you and me. And these are:
  1. Never come across as needy. More on this huge topic later on some time.
  2. 80% of women aren't interested in seeing your penis. The 20% that are will let you know, believe me. Of that 20%, half will be guys pretending to be women.
  3. Cocky is ok, being a cock isn't.
  4. Be smart, if you're not, fake it through passion for something intelligent!
  5. Admitting your passion for animals to a woman is unlikely to win hearts.
More sagely advice and thoughts as they come to hand.

Sunday, January 08, 2006

The lesson of blaming yourself

Ginny was a 28 year old woman who messaged me yesterday, seemingly mad-hot keen on me via what she'd read on one of my dating profiles. As I'm sure many readers know this rarely happens, so I was pleasantly surprised. After the first message she messaged again, even more excited having read the other bits and pieces, thinking we were a great match. She even told me she'd signed up just to write to me!

Well, as you can imagine I was surprised, and a little daunted, so with her mobile number I sent her a text and that same day we were arranged to meet for afternoon coffee (after lunch with Miko as it turned out). If you'll read the other posts here you'll realize I'd already broken one of my new, cardinal rules - never meet before you know if you have something going! But I went for it anyway.

In the end the date was a bit of a flop, and I made the classic chump mistake of blaming myself. Why was it a flop? Well, we met and had a nice chat, but she seemed very reserved. I couldn't figure out why as she didn't seem the 'type' to be shy. This just resulted in me trying harder to entertain her and of-course, resulted in absolutely no improvement in matters.

After coffee and a walk we called it a day and I sent her a follow up message saying it was nice meeting her but there seemed to be something up. She replied with a surprisingly inciteful message.

I'm sorry. I was actually uncomfortable with the whole situation. I did enjoy chatting with you I just felt under huge pressure to fancy you rather than just enjoy meeting a very nice guy. I was definitely suppressed at how uncomfortable I felt, not your fault.
While hardly an ideal response it was truly quite refreshing. I can see that in her mind she'd built me up to be her Perfect Guy and then had to coral that image to the person she met. Of course, I could never match her impossible expectations. Instead of sitting there thinking "What am I doing wrong?!", I should have been thinking "What's wrong with this girl?". This would have made me less panicky (even desperate-looking) and thrown some challenge her way.

So guys, today's lesson, ask yourself "why isn't this girl having fun with me, I'm great!" not "what's wrong with me?!"

The lesson of the early meeting

Miko is a 30 year old Japanese lady I caught online the other night using my standard routine (more on this some other time). She was keen to meet soon, and so by Saturday night she's texting me after work (1am for her) to catch up. Foolishly, I agree, without having had much time to chat and get to know her.

In the end the date (a couple of late-night bars and drinks) was fun but didn't really progress romantically. I'm finding that side of things very tricky right now and it's something for me to work on, but it's also symptomatic of a deeper problem.

Sunday we met again for lunch and we also had a nice walk around the park, followed by icecream. However, things just weren't going anywhere romantically. I wondered if I'd done something wrong (again, my insecurity is a killer) or if it was a Japanese thing or what. I conducted a date post-mortem by text and she reveals she's not sure we match enough (she's right, by the way), but I also realized something...

Usually my successful dates (ones ending in sex or kissing) come after some period of online chat, phone texting or whathaveyou. Usually it's enough to establish:
1) If we share common interests.
2) Are able to comfortably flirt.
3) Are actually interested in one another!

In Miko's case there was really no rapport before we met, and once we'd met it was hard to make it go anywhere between her language skills and fairly conservative nature. It made me feel like a bit of a dick for not being able to create a really fun time for us.

What I should have done was insist on more 'get to know you' time online or by phone and then met her if the vibe was right. I am naturally impatient, so this is a bit of a new idea for me, but one I'm going to test more.

So guys out there. Make sure there's something worth chasing before you bother dating!

The lesson of a woman's secret

Over the weekend I've had three dates. Only one of which went anywhere interesting, the story of which is told below.

Daisy is an Asian lass who lives a city away. She recently moved there, but was back here for a couple of weeks holiday. We finally caught up for what must have been the 5th or 6th time since we first chatted on a dating site. She's tall and willowy and reserved, but sweet as well and quite had my eye for a little while. Unfortunately, nothing had happened and so I had moved on.

We ended up spending most of Friday watching DVDs and she really seemed to enjoy cuddling for a change, but she was careful to avoid kisses or anything else. She's recently come out of a relationship which she'd tried for the second time around so I wasn't going to push hard.

Fast forward to late Saturday and I get a text inviting me to the local Karaoke. She's back to Auckland on Sunday so I figure I'll leave my mate's place and head on over. Next thing I know is we're sitting together and she's tentatively trying out her hand on my leg, a real first for her. Soon we're kissing passionately and I figure it could be all on from here...

...But on the walk home she goes back to her old reserved self. I started to wonder if I'd done something wrong. What a mistake that is, never assume it is your fault guys! If a girl is all confused, acting odd, or just plain cold, assume it is her fault. You'll see more of this in the next post.

In the end, a brief conversation revealed she has some issues she's not resolved. She won't reveal them just now, but they're there and they're important to her I can tell. None the less, it was great to get a kiss from a cute girl at least. Pity she's not in the same city. And deconflicted.