Love and Lust

Musings on love, lust, dating and women by the Love Pirate and Mox Nine.

Saturday, January 28, 2006

Being a chump

Even though I believe I know the rules of dating, sometimes I completely break them and act like a total chump. Thus it has been for the past week.

A few weeks ago I started chatting to a sexy Asian lass we'll call Vera. Busty, tall, smiley, smart, she's all I'd want in a serious girlfriend. And that's the start of my problems. You see, when I meet a girl I really fancy I tend to fall apart game-wise, and I don't know what I'm doing. The end result is me acting like a puppy-dog and a girl who couldn't care either way.

I've been on dates with Vera three times now, four if you count a 10pm jogging meetup on the coastal road (long story!), yet each time we've done nothing more than hug and cuddle (barely). She stayed over last night (although on the pull out bed) and while we cuddled on my bed in the morning and snoozed I asked her why we hadn't done more. She confessed she "wasn't sure" yet, and so I agreed to be patient.

Tonight I spent time with her again at her place, drinking wine and eating and watching bad 80s music on TV. It was fun, but again, absolutely no progress while she also entertained numerous text messages, of which a good number were from fellow chumps like me. Of course, she was delightful company as well, but without her full attention and her full interest, why was I there?

I left at 2am, finally coming to my senses and cutting the date short instead of drifting on like a dork until she booted me out, and on the long, refreshing walk home I had a good think.

What did I decide? Well, I decided that she just loves being chased and that I was falling very quickly into the role of a guy-friend who she can call on to make her feel good about herself. This is an absolute no-no! While I'm happy to have women friends, and I have a good number, never ever does a friendship last that is based on a girl using a guy, who fancies her, to boost her ego.

I actually feel pretty mad at myself. I've made the classic mistakes. I've been far to ready to entertain her, far too available, always suggesting we meet and always being the last to close off the date. The end result is I'm the puppy dog and she's the master and I'm caught doing whatever tricks she wants, all in the hope of some attention.

Today, this will change. A few days of not-much-attention should make her ask what's going on. If it doesn't, then there never was anything in her heart or mind for me. I'll also make it clear that I'm a busy guy with many friends, commitments and responsibilities and she is on my list there somewhere, but not at the top so long as she plays me. If she behaves well, I will reward her with attention. If not, I will punish her with less attention. Above all else I will regain for myself some self-respect and refuse to be treated like a fool (whether she does so consciously, or unconsciously).

I expect this will pretty much cool off any slight interest she had to the point where we don't talk much any more. But that's fine with me now. There is no point in a friend who just wants to use you as a toy to play with. Guys, avoid that like the plague, it's a sure-fire way to destroy your self-respect and confidence!


  • At 12:32 PM, Blogger lady love said…

    hey, it's been almost 5 years since you used this account. any possibility of giving up the name?


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