Love and Lust

Musings on love, lust, dating and women by the Love Pirate and Mox Nine.

Sunday, January 08, 2006

The lesson of the early meeting

Miko is a 30 year old Japanese lady I caught online the other night using my standard routine (more on this some other time). She was keen to meet soon, and so by Saturday night she's texting me after work (1am for her) to catch up. Foolishly, I agree, without having had much time to chat and get to know her.

In the end the date (a couple of late-night bars and drinks) was fun but didn't really progress romantically. I'm finding that side of things very tricky right now and it's something for me to work on, but it's also symptomatic of a deeper problem.

Sunday we met again for lunch and we also had a nice walk around the park, followed by icecream. However, things just weren't going anywhere romantically. I wondered if I'd done something wrong (again, my insecurity is a killer) or if it was a Japanese thing or what. I conducted a date post-mortem by text and she reveals she's not sure we match enough (she's right, by the way), but I also realized something...

Usually my successful dates (ones ending in sex or kissing) come after some period of online chat, phone texting or whathaveyou. Usually it's enough to establish:
1) If we share common interests.
2) Are able to comfortably flirt.
3) Are actually interested in one another!

In Miko's case there was really no rapport before we met, and once we'd met it was hard to make it go anywhere between her language skills and fairly conservative nature. It made me feel like a bit of a dick for not being able to create a really fun time for us.

What I should have done was insist on more 'get to know you' time online or by phone and then met her if the vibe was right. I am naturally impatient, so this is a bit of a new idea for me, but one I'm going to test more.

So guys out there. Make sure there's something worth chasing before you bother dating!


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